What if the only thing standing between you and confidence is proof you’ve been ignoring?
I learned how to self validate myself the hard way. After surviving over fifteen years in an abusive marriage, I had to rebuild my self-worth from the ground up. It didn’t start with a TED Talk or a viral quote. It started with one terrifying act – booking myself a makeover at Sephora.
I had spent years being told my appearance wasn’t ideal. I believed I looked ridiculous anytime I wore makeup. After my divorce, I decided to take back control of my confidence. Sitting in that makeup artist’s chair was the first step toward learning how to self validate yourself, even when no one else does.
Step 1: Get Clear on What You Need to Validate
Confidence isn’t one-size-fits-all. To truly learn how to self validate yourself, you must identify what you’re seeking approval for.
Is it your appearance, expertise, or leadership skills?
When I began this process, it was my appearance. I was five months postpartum, exhausted, and didn’t like how I looked. For others, it may be their credibility at work or their confidence as a leader. The first step is clarity – pinpoint exactly what you’re trying to prove to yourself.
Step 2: Collect the Proof You’ve Been Ignoring
Start collecting evidence of your value. One of my favorite exercises is creating a Compliments File.
Anytime someone says something kind about you, save it. Screenshots, emails, texts, awards — all of it counts. You can even ask colleagues, clients, and friends what they see as your greatest strengths.
Keep this file where you can revisit it often. Proof is power. And when doubt creeps in, this file reminds you that you already have evidence of your worth.
If you want a great companion resource, check out my Overwhelm Culprit Quiz — it helps identify which mindset patterns might be holding you back.
Step 3: Take Action Before You Feel Ready
Confidence isn’t a prerequisite for action – it’s the result of it.
When I booked that Sephora appointment, I didn’t feel confident. I did it anyway. The more I practiced showing up, the less validation I needed from others.
Whatever your area of insecurity, start taking small, intentional steps. Do the thing before you feel ready. Each action proves you’re capable, even when doubt whispers otherwise.
For a deeper dive into building confidence and resilience, I recommend reading Brené Brown’s research on vulnerability.
You Are the Validation You’ve Been Waiting For
Learning how to self validate yourself is a journey of self-trust. You already have everything you need to prove your worth – you just need to recognize it.
If you’re ready to stop outsourcing your confidence to other people and start trusting your own voice, let’s work together. My 1:1 Coaching Programs help high-achieving women rebuild self-trust, reconnect to their power, and take bold, confident action.
You Are the Proof
Confidence isn’t built in a day – it’s built in every moment you choose to believe yourself over your doubt.
You’ve already survived harder things than this.
Now it’s time to start trusting that proof.
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[00:00:00] What if the only thing standing between you and the confidence that you crave is proof that you’ve been ignoring? Okay. Let me show you how to validate yourself, especially when no one else does.
I am Corrie LoGiudice, a speaker, coach, and creator of the Overwhelmed Culprit Framework. And this episode, this one’s personal.
After surviving over 15 years in abusive marriage, I had to relearn how to validate myself.
I had spent over 15 years being told that my appearance wasn’t ideal. And I tell this story in one of my keynotes. Where I had felt so amazing. I was, geez, I was seven months pregnant. I went to a huge convention for work and I decided to wear lipstick that day, lipstick that I don’t normally ever wear.
And I sent my ex a selfie of myself at the conference to let him know I was there and I was okay. And his response was, you should wipe that [00:01:00] lipstick off. It makes you look like a clown. And I took that comment with me, not just into my business meetings that day, but I carried it with me for my life. And I really truly believe that anytime I wore makeup, that I, looked ridiculous. Because that’s what I had always heard. So when it came time for me after getting out of that relationship, I had to relearn how to validate myself and not take into account too much what other people say about me, not be constantly seeking others’ approval. And truth was it didn’t start with a TED Talk.
It didn’t start with a viral quote that inspired me to finally try to work up to my confidence. It started with a single terrifying act. When I thought of what was the one thing that I could do. When I was feeling the lowest of the low of my appearances post-divorce, it was booking myself a makeover at Sephora.
And the reason that was terrifying was because I never wore makeup, because [00:02:00] every time I did, I was told that I looked terrible when I wore it. So booking that makeover at Sephora was pivotal for me because it really pushed my comfort zone and sitting in that makeup artist chair and allowing somebody else to work their magic on me.
By the time it was done, I didn’t recognize the woman in the mirror at all looking back at me. And I also didn’t believe the comments and the compliments that I received from people after on how awesome I looked. And this resulted in something. my friends referred to as Corrie’s Summer of selfies. I started posting selfies not necessarily for likes, and not because I suddenly had seven brand new shades of lipstick and no one to critique me for wearing it. But because I still needed evidence from other people that I looked as good as I felt.
Eventually I stopped meeting the compliments and the comments and the likes from other people to tell me what I already knew.
I’m gonna share with you the three step [00:03:00] process that I use for myself as well as my coaching clients to help build real confidence with no outside approval required. This is actually a great starting off point too. If you just took my overwhelmed culprit quiz and you learn that your, overwhelmed culprit is lack of confidence, ’cause this is very much a confidence theme episode. So the very first step that you take in this process of learning to validate yourself is to get very specific on what you are seeking validation for.
Is it your appearance? Is it your expertise? Is it your leadership skills? Confidence isn’t one size fits all. It requires pinpointing the specific area that will give you more power moving forward. So using the example I shared earlier, for me it was very much my appearance.
I was at that point in time that I, got my divorce. I was five months postpartum. I didn’t like my weight at that point. I didn’t like the way I physically looked. I didn’t wear [00:04:00] makeup or anything. My hair was all disheveled. It was definitely my appearance. So think what is it that you specifically are seeking validation for?
I work with a lot of coaching clients that they’re seeking validation for their expertise, for example. So they’re constantly out there and they’re overdoing it on things like certifications, right? So you gotta really deep down look at what is it that I truly do not feel confident about? And what specifically am I looking to other people to validate that I’m actually good at?
Or that, I’m actually really confident with. A next step is really easy. It’s just collect proof of it, right? Seriously, write it all down. You could do, one of my favorite things for myself and my coaching clients I have everybody do is something called a compliments file.
It could be digital, you could put it on your desktop, you could put it on your phone. You can make it a physical file and print stuff out, whatever works for you. But Anytime anyone says anything nice about you. [00:05:00] Write it down, print it out or screenshot it and put it in that folder. A great exercise you could do that I have my coaching clients do as well, is to email your closest colleagues, friends, clients, and ask them, what do you think my greatest strengths are?
And add all these amazing answers that you’re gonna get. And by the way, for that exercise to work great, you really want a large pool of people. So anywhere, I’d say 10 to 15, minimum more than that’s even better. you take all of this information and you put it into your confidence file, right?
You’re gonna fill it with testimonials, awards, achievements, certifications, compliments, screenshots. Even moments when you showed up and things were hard. You want to record your receipts. ’cause receipts are the antidote to doubt.
Then from there, you wanna make sure that you take action and you wanna do so even before you feel confident. Confidence isn’t the prerequisite, it’s the result. So for me to feel [00:06:00] better about my appearance, that required me booking an appointment at Sephora, even though I didn’t like the way I looked at the time, and I didn’t feel confident about makeup.
I didn’t know how to do makeup.So the appointment at Sephora was meant to help teach me what I needed to know and for me to kind of fail along the way in figuring out how to do my makeup and feeling confident. So that action that you take is what helps you build the confidence.
And the more that you do it, the less scary and more confident that you feel, right? The more you do the thing, the less you need others to validate you doing it.
So if you’re ready to stop outsourcing your confidence to other people and start trusting your own voice. Let’s work together. My one-on-one coaching programs are designed to help high achieving women and allies just like you. Rebuild yourself, trust, reconnect to your power, and take bold, confident action personally as well as professionally.
You could apply now and learn more at [00:07:00] www.corrielo.com/coaching
So I’d love to know which of the three steps are you excited to check out first? Send me a DM on most active on LinkedIn, and if you have any questions too, feel free to send them my way. I’ll do a follow up video answering all your questions.
Remember, you are the validation. You don’t need anybody else validating you for you, and I’ll help you prove it to yourself. You’ve got this. Thanks so much for being here, and I’ll see you in the next episode. Take care.
Thanks for checking out the next step with Corrie Lo. If this episode resonated with you, share it with a friend, subscribe and leave a review. Together we’ll transform overwhelm into action and we’ll keep taking the next step towards competent leadership. See you next time.