If you’ve ever struggled with saying no, you’re not alone. Learning how to set boundaries without guilt is something many high-achieving women wrestle with—because we’ve been conditioned to prioritize others over ourselves.
Why Learning How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt Matters
Women, especially working mothers, are often praised for being selfless. But that praise comes at a cost. Burnout. Resentment. Exhaustion. Boundaries are not selfish—they are self-respect in action.
When you set boundaries, you’re not pushing people away. You’re creating space to show up as your best self. You can’t lead others if you’re constantly running on empty.
Step 1: Set Boundaries by Clarifying Your Non-Negotiables
The first step in learning how to set boundaries without guilt is knowing your limits. What drains you? What needs to change?
Think of one area where you consistently feel overextended. That’s your starting point. Maybe it’s your time in the evenings. Or emotional energy spent on toxic conversations. Define it. Own it.
Step 2: Communicate Clearly and Confidently
You don’t need to explain yourself. A confident “I can’t take that on right now” is enough.
Over-explaining actually weakens your message. Use short, firm, kind statements. That’s how you build respect—for yourself and from others.
Step 3: Let Go of Managing Others’ Reactions
This is the game-changer. Feeling guilty? That usually means you’re taking on someone else’s emotion.
Repeat this: Their reaction is not my responsibility.
Boundaries are not about controlling others. They’re about protecting your energy.
Why You’ll Feel More Confident After Setting Boundaries
The first time will feel awkward. That’s normal. But the second time? You’ll feel stronger. The guilt fades as your confidence grows.
Start small. Celebrate your progress. You’re not being rude—you’re being real. And the people who truly care about you will respect that.
Learn How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt – Starting Today
If you’re tired of being everything to everyone, this is your sign. Boundaries are a leadership skill—and you deserve to lead your life, your way.
Want more support on this journey?
Check out The Next Step Podcast with Corrie Lo and follow Corrie on YouTube for practical tips that help you take confident action, one step at a time.
Click for transcript
[00:00:00] Why is it so hard to say no even when we know that we should?
This is one of the most annoying parts about trying to set boundaries. It’s all the guilt that comes along with setting them, especially if boundaries are something that we’re not used to actually setting.
Now, this is something that’s taken me a long time to learn, and that is setting boundaries isn’t selfish. It’s absolutely necessary for your wellbeing and relationships, especially as a working woman, especially as a working mom, and especially if you are either a leader or aspiring to be a leader.
So by the end of today’s episode, you are gonna know exactly how to set boundaries without all of the guilt even when you feel bad saying no.
You’re listening to the Next Step with Cory Low, where we transform overwhelm into Confident Action. I’m Cory Logis, keynote speaker, coach and working mama of four here to help ambitious women just like you. Take the next step, whether that be leadership at work, at home, or in your community. Let’s get started.
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So I used to be so bad at setting boundaries [00:01:00] that I was once challenged by my therapist to start doing so, and as a result, I devoted the entire year of 2022 to the word boundaries and all of the skills that I was going to need to learn how to do it. I couldn’t set boundaries of my life depended on it.
It was a challenge for me to even just set aside an hour in the morning for me to work out and do things for myself. I would always feel guilty if my husband was upstairs hanging out with the kids and trying to get them ready for school while I was doing that, and even worse yet, I allowed really terrible behavior.
From people over the years ranging from the most extreme to being in an abusive relationship at one point in time, to even later on in, my business and in my career accepting, behavior that was clearly communicated. So I thought, but allowing them to push that boundary with me.
So it’s easy to know where all this guilt comes from. Especially as women because we as women, we’re hardwired to be caretakers and [00:02:00] caregivers. So we want with all of our might to say yes to people in their requests. And when we don’t, it’s very easy for us to fall back into patterns with fears that we’re disrespecting other people by saying no.
Some other things that pop up, and at least definitely did for me over the years was constantly worrying about whether or not I was gonna be seen as being difficult or being selfish. Also, it depends on the way you were raised. So culturally, a lot of family conditioning sometimes can relay to people feeling guilty, for asking for things or for setting a boundary.
Especially for women as little boys. A boy that sets a boundary is known as being assertive. Look at him for standing up for himself. A girl that does the same thing is called difficult, right? So it’s no wonder why when we grow up we often feel this way. So one key mindset reframe, is guilt doesn’t mean that you’re doing something wrong sometimes it just means that you’re breaking an old pattern. [00:03:00] So if this pattern, it’s something that you’ve been expected to do for many years, it doesn’t mean it’s something that you have to do, and sometimes we feel guilty because we’re not meeting the previous norm.
So really this is the root of it. Boundaries are about self respect. It’s not about allowing other people to control you or you controlling other people.
Boundaries aren’t about controlling others. They’re about protecting yourself and protecting what it is that you need so that you can help and serve other people in a higher capacity when it’s in alignment for you.
So as a great example, if somebody gets upset that you set a boundary, this isn’t anything for you to have to feel that you have any guilt to carry with you because it actually says more about their expectations than it does about your decision. Just because they expect it doesn’t mean that it’s something you need to deliver on.
So when it comes to setting boundaries without guilt, I found there’s three core things that really helped tremendously with this. Number one is [00:04:00] to clarify your non-negotiables. What are your limits? Where do you feel yourself being drained? It’s really up to you to know what it is that you need to set boundaries on.
So for me, as an example, during my 2022 year of boundaries there was. Definitely boundaries that I needed to set with specific people in regards to communication, right? There are definitely boundaries that I needed to set in regards to whether or not I was going to respond to somebody who would be, for example, emotionally dumping on me.
I had this one instance with somebody I was very close to, and I just became their emotional dumping mat and I was just done with it. So I needed to set boundaries around what kind of communication and what kind of conversations that I was willing to be a part of, and learn how to do so in a way with, love and without judgment, right?
So that’s number one. You gotta clarify what your non-negotiables are. You don’t wanna be a doormat anymore. That’s great. Start there. Number two is to communicate clearly [00:05:00] and kindly, right? So you wanna use short, confident statements and you don’t need to overexplain. In fact, when you overexplain, it actually takes away all of your power in doing so.
So as an example you’re at work, you’re completely overloaded as it is, you are pushing up against doing overtime. You can say, and this is okay, I can’t take on any extra projects right now. There’s no need to apologize. You don’t need to feel bad that you’re already overloaded with all the things that other people gave you to do.
Number three is the most crucial aspect of doing this without the guilt, because guilt is the reflection of you taking on other people’s reactions as your own. So what you need to learn how to do is how to let go of managing other people’s reactions, right? If someone’s upset, that’s their emotion to manage.
It’s not yours. There’s no reason that you need to carry that with you. You got enough of your own stuff going on, hence the reason for the boundaries. So if somebody’s upset for you for throwing them up, that’s on them. That’s not on you.
So how exactly do you navigate [00:06:00] when people push back? Here are some really common pushbacks and exactly how to go about handling them. So first up, but what if they get mad? It’s gonna happen. It’s bound to happen. So remember that Their disappointment is temporary, right? They’re not gonna be mad at you forever.
They’re not gonna no longer be your friend if it’s your parent. It’s not like they’re gonna disown you nine times outta 10. It depends on what your relationship is, but either way, right? Their disappointment in general is temporary. Your burning out based on those requests is gonna last way longer.
Your burnout, your resentment, all of the emotions that you carry surrounding being overextended based on their asks, is going to be far more damaging to the relationship than their temporary disappointment and discomfort.
So next up it’s what do I do if I feel guilty? Yeah, I know you’re telling me, Corrie, that it’s not my responsibility to carry that emotion, but what exactly do I do? Again, you wanna just remind yourself, I’m not responsible for other people’s emotions. This is not my guilt to carry. If this person had respected my [00:07:00] boundaries to begin with, we wouldn’t be in this situation.
So it’s not up to you to carry. And lastly what if I don’t wanna seem rude? And truth is kindness and boundaries can coexist. You could set boundaries with kindness and compassion. It’s no reason you gotta be a, “B” about it so you’re not being rude by. Adhering to a boundary.
It’s actually an act of service long term because you’re ultimately going to be able to show up for people in a much higher capacity by having that personal need met.
So one thing to remember, the first time that you set a boundary, especially if this is something that’s new to you, you’re gonna feel uncomfortable. You’re gonna feel the guilt. You’re gonna potentially deal with somebody being angry or aggressive or upset, and this is just part of the process. The second time you do it, it’s gonna feel empowering because you will have learned by that point, the first time you did it, the world didn’t end right, things were okay.
You were able to patch things up, and better yet, nine times out of 10, they started respecting the energy you were putting out there and reflecting it back to [00:08:00] you.
All right, so I would love to know What is one boundary that you need to set, but maybe have been avoiding? Go ahead. You could drop it in the comments below. I’d love to hear what you’re working on and which of these tips you’re gonna use starting today.
All right, so to recap what I shared with you today. Today we talked all about how to set boundaries and to do so without the guilt. And in doing that, I shared with you three core steps you wanna remember.
The first one is to make sure that you clarify your non-negotiables. You have to be super, super clear on what you are not gonna make exceptions for. From there, you gotta communicate clearly as well as kindly what those needs are. And then last but not least, because there potentially can be conflict, it happens.
People get upset. You need to let go of the feeling that you need to manage other people’s reactions. That’s where the guilt comes from. You feel guilty. They’re reacting the way that they are, but truth is, if they’re upset, that’s their emotion to manage. It’s not yours.
So if you found today’s episode valuable, please, write us a review, share with a friend. [00:09:00] The more and more people we get involved in these conversations, the easier it’s going to be to get more women feeling confident about stepping into the leadership roles that we really deserve to be in.
Thanks for being here, and I’ll see you next time.
Thanks for checking out the next step with Cory Lowe. If this episode resonated with you, share it with a friend, subscribe and leave a review. Together we’ll transform overwhelm into action and we’ll keep taking the next step towards competent leadership. See you next time.