If you feel like people keep overstepping or draining your energy, you’re not alone. Most women make the same common boundary mistakes—and they don’t even realize it. These common boundary mistakes often go unnoticed but have a huge impact on your emotional and mental energy. Habits like these leave you feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and resentful.
Boundaries, however, aren’t about pushing people away. They help protect your time, energy, and well-being so you can show up as your best self—at work, home, and everywhere in between.
Let’s explore the six most common boundary mistakes and exactly how to fix each one:
1. A common boundary mistake: No Boundaries with Other People
This mistake often comes from fearing conflict or being a people pleaser. You want to make others happy, but end up sacrificing yourself in the process.
Fix it: Start small. Choose one area where you feel drained and set a single boundary. For example, no calls after 7 p.m.
2. No Boundaries with Yourself
Most people forget that internal boundaries matter too. If you don’t honor your own time and energy, no one else will.
Fix it: Create non-negotiables like no emails before 9 a.m., or leave your phone out of your bedroom at night.
3. Not Enforcing Boundaries
Boundaries that aren’t enforced are just suggestions. People won’t take them seriously unless you do.
Fix it: Communicate clear consequences when a boundary is crossed. Then follow through without guilt.
4. Double Standard Boundaries
Telling your kids “no screens at dinner” while scrolling email at the table? That’s a double standard.
Fix it: Model the behavior you want from others. Respect your own rules.
5. Ignoring Other People’s Boundaries
It’s easy to miss when you’re crossing someone else’s line. But that damages trust and relationships.
Fix it: If someone sets a limit, don’t take it personally. Respect their space like you want yours respected.
6. Inconsistent Boundaries
If you stick to your boundary sometimes and break it other people won’t take it seriously.
Fix it: Treat boundaries like rules, not preferences. Stay consistent—even when it’s inconvenient.
How to Start Fixing Common Boundary Mistakes Today
You don’t need to fix these common boundary mistakes at once. Start with just one. Choose an area that’s draining you, define a simple limit, and communicate it clearly.
Why Boundaries Are Essential, Not Selfish
Boundaries aren’t selfish. They’re how you protect what matters most so you can lead with confidence.
Want more tools to beat overwhelm and build confidence as a leader?
Check out Corrie’s Overwhelm Culprit Quiz to discover your biggest stress trigger—and how to solve it.
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[00:00:00] Ever feel like people keep crossing your boundaries or worse yet, like you don’t even have them?
Boundaries are so essential, right? They protect our time, they protect our energy, and ultimately they end up protecting our relationships in the long run. I was so terrible with boundaries that for an entire year, it was the year of 2022, I decided to dedicate my entire year to the word boundaries and worked specifically on creating better ones.
In that timeframe, I learned that there are six very common boundary mistakes that I made, that everybody makes, and when you learn how to correct them, it’s gonna help you enforce your boundaries on a more consistent basis and ultimately have more time, more energy, and protect your relationships.
You’re listening to the Next Step with Corrie Lo, where we transform overwhelm into Confident Action. I’m Corrie LoGiudace, keynote speaker, coach and working mama of four here to help ambitious women just like you. Take the next step, whether that be leadership at work, [00:01:00] at home, or in your community. Let’s get started.
All right, so let’s just dive right into it. Mistake number one is not having boundaries with other people. Now, there’s a lot of different reasons why this can happen. First is maybe you fear conflict. You don’t want to get into fights with people. It just really makes you anxious and elevated, so you just avoid conflict at all costs, right?
Maybe it’s because you’re a people pleaser. You want deep down to make everybody happy, and by having boundaries and people getting upset with you for having them, it’s gonna prevent you from setting boundaries to begin with. And another reason that people will not have boundaries with other people is just because they don’t know where to start with it.
If you’ve been, fearing conflict and a people pleaser for a really long time, chances are you may not have had role models growing up of folks who were able to set healthy and effective boundaries. And therefore, when it comes to learning how to set them [00:02:00] yourselves, you don’t even know where to start.
So you don’t start at all. So the super quick fix for this is going to be to start small, right? And this is the way that I started back in 2022, back when I dedicated the year to the word boundaries. I started really small, and I started by identifying one small thing that I was feeling drained with and setting a boundary on that thing.
So back then it was something as simple as, letting my family know I really needed an hour in the morning to have quiet time for myself and to work out because at that point I had absolutely zero time for myself. We had just recently had a baby and I was up all night still nursing. At that point, I just really needed that time.
So that was a very small ask. Letting my entire family that meant, including my husband letting my older children know as well, hey, between eight and 9:00 AM in the morning, mommy’s , off the [00:03:00] clock, this is time for her. And that was a very small and effective boundary I was able to start with.
So as an example of different ways that you could do this, it might look like you saying ” Hey, I can’t take calls after 7:00 PM” instead of feeling obligated to be available 24 7. So don’t be afraid to set boundaries with other people. It’s really important.
The second mistake is not having boundaries for yourself.
The reason that this happens is a lot of times we focus so much on external boundaries, the boundaries that we have with other people that we completely forget that internal ones are just as important. And when I say internal ones, I’m talking about things like, making sure that you don’t overwork yourself or that you’re taking care of yourself, that you’re doing effective self-care.
These are personal, internal boundaries that are just as important as the external ones. So it’s a big mistake not having them. So the way that we’re able to fix this, and course correct it is by creating a set of non-negotiables for [00:04:00] yourself. So as an example, I don’t check email before 9:00 AM or better yet, if you find yourself always still checking email before 9:00 AM maybe you don’t even keep your phone in your room anymore, right?
Create that hard boundary for yourself. One thing that’s super important to remember with this is you can’t expect other people to respect your time if you don’t respect it yourself. So one of the fastest ways to learn to implement boundaries and to get other people to respect it is by starting with your own personal boundaries first, before you move outwards to boundaries, regarding other people.
Mistake number three is not enforcing your boundaries. And this happens all the time. I, myself am guilty of it even to this day in working with my boundaries that, I’m currently doing on a regular basis. So the reason that this happens is primarily out of guilt. We feel guilty by telling people no.
Another reason too is why we might fear losing out on that relationship. If we push [00:05:00] that boundary too strong that the person might decide ” Hey, you know what, I’m not in this anymore. I’m done”. Which is scary. So we avoid it. And sometimes we won’t enforce our boundaries ’cause we hope other people will just get it .
That we don’t even have to say anything, that they’re just gonna respect it without us actually having to say and reinforce it.
Now one quick mindset shift that’s super important to learn to be able to fix this is that boundaries without enforcement aren’t boundaries. They’re suggestions. I’m gonna say that again. ’cause it’s really important. Boundaries without enforcement aren’t boundaries. They’re simply suggestions. We have to have clear consequences for when they’re crossed.
As an example, let’s say a coworker keeps calling you outside of work hours, right? So what a lot of folks will do is they’ll just pick up the phone and answer it anyway. Therefore, not enforcing their boundary. Where the way to actually enforce the boundary would be to not respond. [00:06:00] And then remind them of the boundary the next day when you respond to their phone call, then you know within the hours that you set for yourself.
number four is having double standard boundaries. So there’s a lot of reasons why this happens. First is, it’s easy for us to set rules for other people, but we will then go through and jump through hoops to justify why they don’t apply to us. So best examples I see for this, especially when it comes to working moms, is we’ll have boundaries for our children, as example strict bedtime make sure that you’re not on your screen, more than two hours a day.
But we’ll find ourselves doing the same thing. So we have a double standard. The way that we fix and course correct this is by leading by example. It’s much, easier to get people to respect your boundaries when you are modeling the same boundaries that you expect from other people.
So as an example, and this is one that we do in my own household if you enforce a no phones at the dinner table rule for your kids, but you are [00:07:00] constantly checking your email during meals or picking up the phone, if your boss calls, that boundary loses its credibility for everybody sitting at the table.
So for my own household, we have a very strict no screens, at the table. We sit, we eat our meal, we discuss the day with each other, and that’s what works for us.
Mistake number five is not respecting other people’s boundaries. Often times we are so focused on our own limits that we don’t notice when we’re overstepping somebody else’s so the way that we fix this is when somebody sets a boundary, we don’t take it personally. We need to respect it.
So as an example, if a friend says that they can’t make last minute plans, we don’t push them, we don’t guilt trip them. We respect what it is that they say to us, and then we expect in return at a later date when we need to set a boundary, they do the same for us.
Mistake number six is not being consistent with boundaries. Consistency is one of the five overwhelmed culprits that I talk about on a regular basis. And if you are not [00:08:00] consistent with things like boundaries, it’s gonna cause you to be overwhelmed, on a regular basis.
One of the reasons why this happens is it’s easy for us to enforce boundaries sometimes, but then bend them when it feels inconvenient, right? We can’t be like one foot in, one foot out. You have to be all in when it comes to boundaries. So the way that we fix this is by treating boundaries as rules.
They’re not suggestions, they’re principles that we adhere to. Otherwise people are gonna test them
Corrie Lo: on a regular basis,
and that’s what we’re trying to avoid.
For example, let’s say that you don’t check your work emails on weekends, but answer just this one time because your boss is trying to call you. You’re teaching folks that then they don’t have to respect your boundary, right? Because you don’t uphold it like you’re inconsistent. Sometimes you don’t.
So they might as well test that boundary if they think they might be able to get an answer from you at this time.
And one thing that’s super important, and I want you to know when it comes to boundaries, and it comes to the mistakes that we make surrounding them, is that boundaries [00:09:00] aren’t about shutting people out. It’s super important. Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out. They’re about protecting what matters most so that we could show up and be our best for others.
I’d love to know which of these mistakes do you struggle with the most? Go ahead, drop them in the comments. Send me a dm, on social. Also, if you have questions regarding boundaries specifically, I would love to hear those too. So let me know what your challenges are, and maybe I will create a video answering that question at a future date.
So to sum it all up, today, we covered six different boundary mistakes that are super, super common that people make on a regular basis. The first one is not setting boundaries with other people. The second one is not setting boundaries for yourself. The third one is not enforcing your boundaries. The fourth one is having double standards when it comes to your boundaries.
Number five is not respecting other people’s boundaries. And number six is not being consistent with your [00:10:00] boundaries.
So as your next step for today, I would love for you to set one boundary. That’s it. One boundary, make a plan for it, implement it, try upholding it, stay consistent with it, and definitely let me know how it goes. Drop a note in the comments. Send me a dm, send me an email. I would absolutely love to hear from you.
I’ll see you next time.
Thanks for checking out the next step with Cory Lowe. If this episode resonated with you, share it with a friend, subscribe and leave a review. Together we’ll transform overwhelm into action and we’ll keep taking the next step towards competent leadership. See you next time.